Thursday, May 20, 2010

Obsessive Thoughts! Learning to Breathe

Learning to breathe for the first time. Just one more final to go and school will be done for 6 weeks. During the past 14 weeks I have learned one important thing about myself and that was my behavior of obsessing.

In the past I talked a really good game about being able to balance my life but reality proved me wrong because of my need to obsess over things. These things included: eating, working, studying, exercising, and playing.

Just tonight as I was looking through my college catalog and thinking to myself "Wow! I would love to take all of these classes in this book". I was trying to figure out how I could do it within the next 3 years. During my moment of craziness, I realized that I have been looking at this catalog every day for the past 3 months trying to figure out how I could make it work. So as I turned the page and saw the 15 history courses I thought to myself "girlfriend, stop with the obsessive thoughts". So, I decided to toss the catalog in the trash and stop thinking about it because it has been consuming my life for months.

So I thought about how I have put my life on the back burner to fulfill my desire for knowledge that is not realistic or necessary. In the past I have had obsessive thoughts about exercising, planning a vacation, eating, and so many other things that would take about 2 hours to list. My goal is to stop this behavior because it is so unhealthy for my mind and body.

My plan is to think about why I need to obsess and when I have these obsessive thoughts to confront them head on. Tonight I realized that there is no reason for me to take over 2000 classes or go to the gym 12 times in a week unless I want to. And please believe me I do not want too!

This is all new to me so I will need to process my thoughts for the next few days. I want to know why I have these obsessive thoughts and behaviors. One thing I will do is not obsess over my thoughts about this but learn how to correct my behavior.

This semester I took a psychology class and I learn so much about cognitive behavior. I enjoyed the class so much that I am thinking about changing my major. But I will not obsess about that right now. My plan is to take classes that will challenge my mind and bring me pleasure all at the same time.

My obsessive thoughts about my life has caused me great frustration. It is so nice to live in reality again. It's time for me to enjoy each day not the things I want in my future. I feel at peace and so relax. I am truly breathing again! Reality feels good!


  1. beautiful articulate post.
    around this house we liken obsessive thoughts to our canine when he is fixing his bed (I know, we're weird :)) he plumps and plumps and plumps and SERIOUSLY SEEMINGLY CAN NOT STOP SOMETIMES until we lovingly knock him over :)

    we call it being stuck in a PLUMP
    and do what you mentioned in your post.
    work to stop and step back and CONFRONT what we are feeling and not get stuck in the plump.

    xo xo


  2. Great post!!! Good luck with your final, and enjoy your break :)