Tug of War

Ok, I named this blog FG vs SG because this is my battle. It has been a true tug of war for many years. Now don't get me wrong, I love fat girl and I love skinny girl but they don't always meet in the middle. Skinny girl has shown her face many times in my life but fat girl is the one that always win the war. Skinny girl is very interesting. She is my fire and my push when it comes to dropping weight. She get me all fired up for weeks but then it happens, fat girl gets really mad and takes over. What I have realized is that fat girl is my distraction, she is my blamer, she is my weakness but she is my warrior. Skinny girl is a pusher but she is weak in her own way. I understand that I need them both in my life and I can not ignore them. I' am caught in the middle of this battle. I can admit that in the past I have sided with fat girl. Fat girl gives me freedom and she is ok with me. She is hard core and she has so much power. Skinny girl gives me structure and discipline. I think those two words are my enemy. Of course that is fat girl talking. My plan is to spend more time with skinny girl but not ignore fat girl. Fat girl is bad for my health when she is ignored.

Today I went to the gym as skinny girl. OMG! We took a very intense class called:

24S E.T. This cardio/strength combination class alternates strength exercises to sculpt every major muscle group with easy to follow step moves. This class kick butt! When I finished this class my body was burning with joy. I pushed myself.

The other day I went to a kickboxing class and pushed my self about 80%. I have to admit that skinny girl was nowhere around that day. I ended the class 15 minutes early and set on the stationary bike waiting for my yoga class to start. As I was looking at the exercisers I saw how hard they were working. It was a pumped up class. As the exercisers started doing the football runs I noticed the feet of a fat guy. His feet never left the floor. He did not raise his leg and he did not raise his arms. He was not pumped like the others. The others had their feet off the ground, their knees in the air and their hands over their heads. I thought to myself, wow! he is not giving his all. He is not in the 100% club. I realized that I was not giving my all. Not giving 100% is one factor to being overweight. Now, I realize fat guy could be in pain, he could be disable, or he just felt as if he needed to be there. I understand that but just being there at the gym is not enough. So I decided to be in the 100% club. I will push myself and pick my feet up. Fat guy opened my eyes. Dropping weight has to mean something. Just going to the gym and reducing portion is not enough. What does it all mean? I'm going to give myself 3 months from this day to figure it out. October 21, 2009 I will have the answer! What does it all mean? That is the question.

Now back to FG vs SG!

What I realized is that skinny girl is an athlete and she want to be successful. Skinny girl only want to be successful in the weight loss department. That is her only purpose in life. She has no other goals or desires. Is it ok to have only one desire or goal? Athletes give 100% during their exercise workout. They know how to push themselves until they hit the wall and than they try to push through the wall. They don't mind passing out. My skinny girl is in the 100% club. On the other hand fat girl is in the 40% - 60% club. Know that club is good enough for fat girl. Fat girl has many wants and desires. She wants to learn about everything in the world. She want to visit every city in the world. She wants to do it all. Fat girl is all over the place. Fat girl has big desires and plans. Fat girl is free to dream, hope and plan. FG and SG is in the same boat. I need to find their balance.

More to come.....